Join a group...don't follow a feed!

To the Gen X & Yer’s, let’s be clear about something….clubs and groups are a great way to meet people, develop relationships and solve problems…AS LONG AS IT IS FACE TO FACE, PRESSING PALMS AND EXCHANGING INTERPERSONAL DIALOG! Becoming a fan of…following me on…getting linked too or sharing my space, doesn’t make you connected!

I know your arguement...it is more productive to join online groups, post messages, and respond to emails, it is "the way" we communicate now...I get that. But really, why did you join the group? Take me for example, I joined a few groups in my youth…some official, some not so official. As a kid, I think it started with my love of sports, being on a team fueled my need to be amongst people. William Schutz, a well known American psychologist, identified 3 needs in humans: inclusion, control, and affection. In my youth I always felt included. As a kid this was probably OK and fairly normal, but this pretty much screwed with me as I transitioned into adulthood. I had this notion that everything I did was about making me feel included, which translated into my happiness.

In college I joined a fraternity, hanging with friends, no purpose…just hang out, play sports, host parties and meet girls. In college…I always felt included. A few years after college I joined the married group…married my college girlfriend. We traveled with other couples, vacationed with friends, bought a nice home in the same neighborhood as friends. In the married club…I always felt included. So these groups and clubs were great at the time, but what did they really offer me. What did I offer them? Did I even know why I was in the club…oh yeah, I almost forgot…. I was included and it made me feel good.

Trust me, without purpose and understanding why you are in a group or a club; they just come to an end, so choose wisely.

It took me a long time to understand the real benefits of joining a group. Inclusion can certainly make you feel good, but getting through life isn’t about feeling good. There comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and say, “This is me…this is where I am going.” A good group will help you define this; professional, therapeutic, social, or a marriage, will mold you as a person, challenge you do things that you thought you couldn’t, support you when you’re struggling, listen to you when no one else will, provide constructive feedback and offer you a helping hand. You won't find these qualities when browsing tweets, re-tweets, status updates and postings. Listen X & Yer’s, I am not suggesting give up on your twitting, but when you are ready…I mean really ready to advance yourself…find a good group, join it and contribute. Maybe then you will have something worthwhile to post.